Celebrating a milestone, Westcoastmeshfighter has made it to 6 months, Sharing my experiences while living with a Transvaginal Mesh Implant.

Hello and Good Evening Mesh Warriors.  I really can’t believe it’s been six months since I started blogging about my struggles living with a Transvaginal Mesh Implant.  Emotionally this has by far been one of the hardest/best things that has happened because it’s allowing me to share with all of you, my experiences and struggles, different situations, and there are many,   Every single person I have connected with is suffering some of the same symptoms I am and also different ones I never thought would happen.  Being able to blog about the different situations I have endured while trying to find Healthcare to help me with my symptoms, right here in California, United States.

WestcoastmeshfighterAfterthoughts_Impromptu ThoughtsMade it to 6 months

The last week or so, it’s been a really bad struggle, I almost ended up back in the hospital with constant throwing up nothing and couldn’t stop for at least 5 hours at home and when I was done, I was so exhausted I slept for almost 3 days.  Today ended up being an ok day, but with lot’s of pain in my abdominal area and rectal areas.  I was placed on a new pain medication, however I believe it may be too strong.

Each day ends up being different and my sleep patterns are all over the map.  I can’t sleep either day or night on a regular schedule, that is another issues I am dealing with.

I definitely want to thank you all for your continued love and support.  I will be blogging more so please stayed tuned and keep coming to my blog.  You can also find me social media for westcoastmeshfighter and coming soon, a new video on my YouTube Channel.  Thank you all again and until next time……Don’t lose hope, we are stronger together.

Michelle Hedgcoth, Patient with a TVM, co founder of westcoastmeshfighter
Advocate and Humanitarian, Blogger, Graphic Designer for social media
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How days like today, keeps me reminded how fragile my body feels. Living with a Transvaginal Mesh Implant these days is harder than you may think!

Hello and welcome to afterthoughts, stuck between two worlds living with a Transvaginal Mesh Implant and all the underlining conditions.  Living with a mesh implant is really difficult.  Emotionally I am getting stronger, although it’s been challenging and trying not to push myself into a full state where I cannot get out of bed.  It’s fall now, which is my favorite time of year, going to spend time with family, gather with our loved ones, and enjoy life.

The last couple of days have been exceptionally hard to deal with.  I deep cleaned my kitchen while our kids where on fall break.  I feel like I worked out for a week straight and my body feels like it’s in shock.  I am learning that I could be my own worst enemy when it comes to handling everyday life living with a faulty medical device that is partially still inside me, has my body really confused on how much normal I can do.

Enjoy the simple things in life.Don't let your medical condition keep you from it.

I really try to surround myself with as much calm as possible, it’s so overwhelming to think about everything my body deals with at one time.  I want to share it so there is a better understanding of a day in my life.

(Please be advised that after this point in my blog post, there will be very private sensitive experiences that I am talking about regarding my battles with having a TVM).

Being awake or asleep.  I can really say that the only time I feel no pain whatsoever is when I am asleep.  According to my husband, while I am sleeping, I sometimes kick one of my legs onto the mattress really hard due to pain in my thigh into my abdominal area, I will sometimes moan as if I am in a lot of pain, toss and turn, however I am always on my stomach.  When I wake up, I have to wait at least 5 minutes or more to see where my pain level is at so when I get up I don’t hurt myself trying to get out of bed.

After taking my morning pills, I sit and wait for some pain relief, because I am under doctor care with a Pain Management Doctor, I am now getting some pain relief.   It does seem like I have my good days coming back little by little.

afterthoughts blog graphic autumn chronic pain condition

pictured above:  This was me before my original surgery.  I am at the Starbucks in Half Moon Bay, CA.  Every summer I would take my kids & my mom and we would go Venice Beach, Half Moon Bay, CA.  I was able to enjoy life despite having a POP, Pelvic Organ Prolapse.  Having the surgery caused the pain and suffering to be almost unbearable to deal with.  I have tried just about everything available to help with the pain.  Today, nothing has changed since my first pelvic Botox procedure in August of 2013, which for me, my opinion, attributed to disabling me to a point of full incapacity. (please read my story on my blog page,  it explains in a greater detailed manor, how having a TVM changed my life).

depression & anxiety fall graphic

I really need to get back with my GI doctor, he was out of the country for 2 months, however he may be back now and I can schedule an appointment.  Although I feel weak most of the time, I am trying to keep busy with projects at home, things that are easy to do and save the hard stuff for family to help with.  Getting into more artistic fun projects, where I can relax my mind and body is helping me stay distracted from the constant pain.  A heating pad, medication, and rest seem to really help with trying to overcome the pain for a while.

Going back to bed at night, I try to think of one positive thing I did that day, one deed to help my family at home, and prayer.  I pray for everyone in my family and my friends whom I haven’t been able to hang out with, primarily because of where I live and also because I don’t have transportation right now.  The sad reality has settled in and although it’s been hard emotionally and physically, to even try.  I have mixed emotions about life in general.  For me, this mesh condition is really difficult to understand.  The worst feeling is that I haven’t found a doctor in over 7 years, who can tell me how to live with a partially defaulted Transvaginal Mesh Implant.  I want to believe that if I can challenge myself everyday with one thing to overcome at a time, I just still have a chance to become successful again, even if it’s volunteering, helping patients when they feel no one else is listening or even cares.  I don’t believe that it is, however finding that support system that the mesh will put you through, for those who have suffered, and even though who have lost their life, because a mesh implant caused infections, nerve damage, muscle damage, failed marriage, non believers that injury and side effects are a result of a mesh implant.

KinderJoyCollage10-19-2017_73028_AM

One thing I have learned is that even though I cannot work anymore, doesn’t mean life is over.  For the longest time I really thought so, but experience has brought me this far and being on the brink of a deep depressive state, to where I am now.  I know anything is possible, it might just take longer than I thought it would.

my collage 1

I want to blog a lot more and share daily accomplishments and hurdles.  Experiences that I have over come, it really does help that I can write about it.  Reading about Mesh Implant patients, their daily lives, they share their story, it give.s me inspiration, to know that I wasn’t alone in this and that maybe I am reaching someone, anyone, so they don’t ever feel alone, the way I did.

Thanks and Gratitude:  Blogging has also helped in communication with my husband and children, so that they have an understanding just as I have been learning to live with.  This really threw a wrench in my life “master plan”.  My medical condition has affected my life so badly that I barely get to see my two oldest children, due to lack of transportation and now we live about 30 min apart.  We keep contact on the phone. video chat, and through social media, they come and visit anytime they can.  With all the experiences,  I have learned that change happens whether we want it to or not.  Nothing is promised or permanent, I have tried to chase the American Dream, not once, but several times.  For a while, I really didn’t care about much of anything, because I couldn’t rationalize in my head, how this could have happened, why and what can I do to live with it all.

I will be doing a another separate blog insert on how having a Mesh Implant, led to loss of certain family members, loss of friends, and how it’s affected my marriage and children.  With respect for their privacy, I will only discuss certain situations, directly related to the mesh and it’s impact, negative and positive, with the understanding that their privacy stay protected as well.  To my Children:

 I am your mom

Since 2010, I have overcome many hurdles and there have been good times, great times, and even low and bad times.  It’s because I experienced being degraded, called a liar, been judged for how my home situation is, somehow it has made me reevaluate just what kind of life I want to live now, even with my limited options.  Change is enetival and it all starts with making changes, forgiveness, acceptance, and realizing that there is no magic book, or procedure, or written instructions on just how to do that.  I know that I cannot get back the life I once had.  Having gratitude for what I have and a special place in my heart for the close family members who continue to help us, as our family struggles through the hard times.

Updates:  I am currently up to date with all my doctor appointments, my dentures are not correct and they are rubbing against my gums and leaving sores, so back to the dentist for re adjusting.  I am still waiting on benefits to be granted through social security, and just trying to rest when I can.  I am trying to deal with the financial pressure, as it challenges us from one month to the next.  Some how we manage to get through it, with all the negative hurdles, we keep on going.

I don’t want to sound like a negative nelly, but the length of time to get approved for social security disability,  it’s long, really long, like years, and no one that, I have been able to find, actually talks about the struggle before benefits are granted, and after it’s creating career loss for you or even if they aren’t then there will be the why?  It’s still in it’s early stages of getting benefits for this type of condition, so my best observation is there are reviewing years of medical records, seeing me in court, I felt so horrible that day, and my requests, history, and I keep journals that details my daily struggles.  I will be blogging more often with new and updated information as I go.

life quote graphic final  imagesMAHEU0W9

To all my mesh brothers and sisters, I love how even though we live in different countries, we can share information, see what is going on and support each other through it.  Unfortunately, there are a certain amount of people, who think they know about what is going on and they are not doctors, or professionals licensed to treat patients with serious side effects, from mesh implants, they are not even patients. They can even be someone or someone’s, that is really close to you.  Even if they mean well, it can complicate and possibly injure an already delicate physical status and emotional state of mind.  I always recommending talking over with your doctor everything on your mind.  If they are a good doctor, they will listen to your concerns and treat you properly.

I am hopeful that my new stragty of getting a new team of medical professionals, making sure they all communicate together, is the best choice and also realizing, ” I have a faulty medical device and not all of it is gone, from the what my surgeon who did my revisional had advised me” it’s scary not to know exactly what is happening

I know that the stigma comes from more of a status of life. I will get into that in future blogs however I will discuss and highlight on how much money you make, I call it the Status Qou.  I want to do more blog posts just on treatment and lack of real care, that I experienced up until I really took my medical care back and started to make major decisions regarding my health, in fact it may take a couple of posts, just because of the length of time I have been living with this.  A lot has happened over the last 7 years and because so much has happened to me, I feel that a better understanding may come from them.  A lot of my depression comes from just dealing with ongoing medical issues, doctors, being a mom and feeling that were not getting addressed.  It’s really how you see yourself, realizing that status quo isn’t that important, if you are wanted in their life, they will make efforts to include you in it.  That part of this Journey has really been hard to deal with, especially not being able to afford things like I used to.  I miss being able to do things with my family, go on vacations, live in a better neighborhood, and just not having to worry about so much at once.  I haven’t given up on the idea that I will own my own house, get another new car, and everything will all come together, just it will be a Journey of the unexpected experiences.

Passion:  I know that what I live with, along with many other Mesh patients, that not everyone will share in trying to give/get you real help, and others will work above the challenges and over come them, one at a time.  I know that any type of mesh reaction will affect everyone differently, however I experienced a lot of questionable things that I had encountered along the way, some that shocked me.

There is a stigma, someone who has a real condition, that can’t be seen, like ours, gets treated differently, it can make it hard to believe that this happens and it makes it harder for the patient needing help.   If you should happen to run into someone who suffers from an invisible illness, or even a Mesh Injury, please remember that there is a real serious chronic debilitating condition that is a battle that we face daily.

I really want to thank everyone in the mesh community, but most importantly, My family, I am truly humbled with everything and I know that we are blessed despite the obstacles we face.  Thank you all for your continued support.

God bless and Until next time…

Michelle Hedgcoth,

co founder of westcoastmeshfighter, TVM Warrior and Survivor

Why do I have energy at times when I can rest, but when I rest I have too much energy?

How Dealing with Chronic Fatigue affects my life

 

Hello and Good Morning/Evening and Welcome to Afterthoughts, (WCMF).  Since I missed Manic Monday and was late with Sundays and Smalltalk, I thought that talking about chronic pain and fatigue would be a great topic, plus, some things I try to do to make my nights rest as comfortable as possible.

 

The last few days I haven’t been feeling that well, and after going grocery shopping on Monday, then by the time we were back, I felt like I ran the mile.  So exhausted, and also getting a little bit of house work, had me in bed, not just in bed, but passed out asleep.  Apparently, I was that tired and this lasted until today, just eating, restroom, sleep.  I don’t know what is happening, sometimes too much sleep is a sign of infection somewhere, but somehow both my appointments today canceled.  Gratitude, that is what I have to say is Gratitude.

My dad came from out of town to take me to the store, we talked over lunch and went to do kids back to school shopping.  I really was so tired, but spending that time with my Dad, was worth it all.  I am really grateful to him, my mother, and it was just a lot, clothes shoes, supplies, thank goodness I had my daughter there to help out.

When pain like this acts up, I feel so tired and lacking of any energy.  I mopped my kitchen and dining room, the day before yesterday.  So today, now really exhausted and my arms and shoulders, into my back hurt so much, but I am fighting to work through it, I can’t work out like I used to, but I am going to push through. Yes I have kids, however it sometimes easier to do the chores because I am picky, but I do enlist them for help all the time.

Now that my schedule is all out of place, I am going to put it back together.  Try to sleep a normal and reasonable amount of time, and just make some adjustments.  I have been cheating on my coffee limits, so I must go back to 2 cups a day and stopping by 3 in the afternoon.  When I worked I used to drink Coffee All day and now I can’t do that anymore..  I will be up all night and my pain is really bad.  By doing a couple of things at night, tea (relaxing) easy listening music or something to watch on the TV, doing things that relax me and not bring stress to me.

Before my Mesh Implant Complications, I had an amazing life, that I worked really hard for.  Now, I am struggling but I am not broken either.  I know that there isn’t anything that can be done now, so I just take things slowly so I don’t want to get hurt.  Everyday I get with my family is a blessing ; and I am going to beat this mesh, as long as I am alive, won’t let it beat me.

Finally when I took the picture (above: me) I really didn’t think anything of it, thought it was different, but the truth is I don’t have any teeth right now.  At my age, my teeth, they all just kept breaking down and now I have to get false teeth, in the process of it now.  I ended up with abscessed tooth and I have emergency surgery to have the rest removed.   Now I am seeing people around the world talking about how they lost their teeth after mesh was implanted. I don’t know for sure if mesh implants causes teeth decay, but if it does, just another thing to add to the list of side effects that we as patients, are suffering with.

Thank you to everyone following my blog.  After accepting that pain was going to be a part of my life forever, I started slowly changing things within a comfort zone, mental and physical.    Ex” I mopped both kitchen and dining, now I am going to declutter and start the remodeling.  Just to clarify, we are renting so nothing major than just redecorating with updated pictures.  I want my dining room to look like an old place friends can come and enjoy with us.

img_20160102_164905.jpg

My Cat, Sassy, she likes to sit everywhere.  Most of the time when we have company over, my kitchen table becomes the heart of our home. This table belonged to my grandparents on my Dad’s side, and I would love to restore it, sometime in the future, but redoing my dining room will be fun, and  It will  keep me distracted from the pain hopefully, and maybe I can get some fun stuff done.  My pain is nuts, so hopefully I can get some relief and not have to go a hospital.  😦

I usually do my VLOG, Impromptu on Thursdays, so my plan is to be back a little earlier to bring you my VLOG, my readers and listeners, I would love to hear your idea’s.  This is if my pain doesn’t interfere again.  I know it’s not easy to talk about having a TVM, but I believe we are stronger together.  Transvaginal Mesh Implants hurt people both physically and mentally.  If I can’t get medical care from my doctor tomorrow, off to the emergency room.  If I go, it will be because I felt I had no other choice because of the pain, that’s usually when I have to go.  If that happens I will let everyone know if I can what is happening.

I would like to give a special Thank You  to everyone for your concerns & support, A Special Thank you to my family, the support helps m  Hello to my new followers on social media and here on Word press, I am happy that I can share my TVM Mesh Journey.  I couldn’t do this without everyone on social media and having my blog, please share it, if you know anyone who suffers with the side effects from a Transvaginal Mesh..  When I started this, it was just a Facebook page, then I decided to do a blog on my mesh Journey, from there oh man, everyday the numbers keep going up and I am so grateful for you all letting share with you my stories, which isn’t finished, I think I am just getting started.  I have been through so much and I want other patients to know they are not alone.

I love you all and blessings to you,

You can find me social media and Google +.  Going to try and get some answers on my insomnia and until tomorrow night, thank you all for reading.

Michelle Hedgcoth, Co-Founder of westcoastmeshfighter, graphic designer, writer, Transvaginal Mesh Warrior & Survivor,

 

 

How do I create a new happy adjusted life living with Transvaginal Mesh limitations?

Hello Good Evening/Morning to everyone and welcome to Afterthoughts, for Westcoastmeshfighter.  Tonight’s subject is about your self worth and work.  Most of us were different people, with different outlooks about our life and what we wanted it to be.  Then the mesh implants started to cause severe pelvic pain, constipation, infections, auto immune disorder, mesh revisional, physical Therapy for my Pelvic Floor.

cafe cupCool graphic I found online., Coffee in my favorite color.

So here begs the question:  How can we live an enjoyable life living with chronic pain?  Well if I had the entire answer, I probably would be living a whole lot better than our family is living right now,  being able to feed my kids without worry, have money pay for a place in a good neighborhood with a good school and just to live the life I used too.  At some point I had to admit that I was human and get some help to deal with all the stress.

Ok in reality, just having a place to live is a blessing and constantly we make it through situation that could have avoided if I never became injured.  I have prayed and prayed for guidance from god.  One you awaken your inner soul your truth will guide you to better things, but change always has to happen.  Unhealthy decisions will never get you to a place where you can say you earned it.  I can’t do that anymore, but I know I can help others.

tbnotetoself

 

First and foremost I wanted to say is I am catholic and I want to thank God for the many blessings he has given our family as we continue with the journey.  I thought to myself, so you lost your life everything.  I really thought about this and there are a couple of ways of approaching this controversial  issue.  I know I have made mistakes along with way regarding medical decisions, however I cannot go back and change anything, so I choose to move forward.  My pain is really bad so I will wrap this u.

End after Graphic.

the war of Art

Cont…

Living with chronic pain isn’t easy, it seem that as my pain is getting worse, the more I want stay in bed.  I am working on changing these behaviors that are not healthy for me or my family.  I have already made the appointment to go to my internal medicine Doctor and I received a letter indicating that my urogynocologist isn’t’ going to treat patients in our dept. anymore@ UC Davis,,  They did offer alternative doctors and will have to call later this morning to deal with that.

It’s hard to love yourself, I know not everyone can shut down their emotions or pain, so it’s a trial and error.  I have been through so much and I am living life day by day instead of planning every little thing. Now I have started to have memory loss and I can’t remember some of the things that has happened in the last two week, this has been going on for a while now.  Some of my days are good and some are terrible. Each person has different disabilities and we can no longer work.  What I don’t understand is how can this be.  I haven’t gone to work since September 30, 2013 due to medical reasons, so I am rehire able, however my problem isn’t fixed and I don’t know if it will ever be.  I am really trying to make the best of it all.

it doesn’t stop me from trying.  I just go with the flow with things, I have a  bag packed just in case I have to leave my house in a hurry or go to the hospital.  I try not to plan things that I can’t over come.

 

It’s hard for anyone to understand chronic pain unless of course you live with it everyday.  I Encourage everyone to make sure you have a support system like family and friends to help you.  I also encourage that you have a plan just in case, It’s not easy but a lot of towns have food banks know that catholic churches gives you two nice bags of food and fruit and breads and deserts and they have clothes..  I encourage everyone to check for that in your home town, it helps that they can help out families in need.  I hope you all  have a wonderful week and I will be back tomorrow with Manic Monday… Hugs and Blessings Mesh Warrior.

Thank you for reading and until next time mesh warriors..

Mrs. Michelle Hedgcoth, Co founder of WCMF, advocate for patient rights and Humanitarian for chronic pain patients.  Thank you again. #westcoastmeshfighter, #tvmwarriorandsurvivor, #wearestrongertogether

 

Hot Summer Friday Nights living with Transvaginal Mesh?

Hello and Good Evening/Morning and Welcome to Afterthoughts, West Coast Mesh Fighter. 

After a long week, I am happy to blog and talk about this heat wave we are having here in California.  It is ridiculous hot and staying in a temperature controlled room is imperative now because when I get too hot or too cold, everything seems to hurt more???   It’s now been three years since I have been able to go the beach (2hr) drive from here.  The Beach is my favorite place to relax and unwind.  I am not sure about everyone else, but my pain levels are really high and I almost had to go to the hospital a couple of nights this week, but thank you God, I am home. I really love the summer time because it’s so calming and relaxing that I can really get into dealing with my Chronic Pain.  Once I figured out how my body adapts to weather changes, I really had to make major changes.

relaxreducestressgraphic

Hard Steps, but I work on this everyday.  It’s really easy to get into a mood where my pain and emotional state end up running me and it should be the other way around.  I spent almost 3 years in a deep depression.  I cut off all family and limited my contacts with friends, because I can’t do a lot of things the way I used to anymore, also it was assumed that I was addicted to drugs either prescription or recreational drugs (which I have never had an addiction problem) and that I was somehow making it all up to avoid working.  I have worked from the time I was 15 1/2yrs old and I actually am irritated because I can no longer work.  One thing I have come to realize is that having a mesh implant it has given me more patience and forgiveness for myself.

I was trusting my gut instinct and because I didn’t really know what was happening to me then,  I knew I couldn’t really explain to my family and friends exactly what was going on and that alone was a lot of anxiety and stress.  I feel really disconnected from my prior life as I knew it, now.  I did a lot of crying and a lot of soul searching, praying to God for guidance, then I knew what I needed to do.  Having a Transvaginal Mesh Implant has caused a lot of side effects.  My auto immune condition, fibromyalgia went from being manageable to completely out of control

Foods to avoid this summer and Foods to love

Anything that can cause Gas pains:

  1. Broccoli, beans, cheese, dairy, whole grains, Brussels sprouts, broccoli, cabbage, asparagus, and cauliflower are known to cause gas.  I definitely would talk to my doctor or nutritionist about what foods you should illuminate.
  2. Fruits such as apples, peaches, pears, and prunes contain the natural sugar alcohol, sorbitol, which the body has trouble digesting. Many fruits also have soluble fiber, which is a type of fiber that dissolves in water. Sorbitol and soluble fiber must both also pass through the large intestines, where bacteria break them down to create hydrogen, carbon dioxide, and methane gas.  I was really taken back because prunes help pass things along.
  3. Sodas and other carbonated drinks can add significantly to the amount of air you swallow. When air gets into your digestive tract, it has to pass through somehow. This causes burping and may also increase how much gas you pass. Swapping soda for juice, tea, or water (with no carbonation) may help you reduce gas.
  4. Processed foods are packaged goods, such as breads, snack foods, cereal, and salad dressing. These contain a variety of ingredients, including fructose and lactose. This combination can lead to increased gas.

Summer time includes so many things, flip flop weather, and having family bbq’s to water/theme parks and having to watch what I eat is tough, but for my digestion system I am willing to make the sacrifice’s.  I love salads with fresh vegetables and organic dressings nothing too heavy.  Watermelon, oranges, grapes… I have it on a schedule where I can eat some things and take it easy like every other day, but it varies.

lactaideverything

We digest food differently so it’s really a process of trial and error to see what food affect you and how they affect you.  I changed my milk products to Lactaid and most Coffee Creamers are being made where these ingredients are not in them anymore.  Finances have really played a role in all of these things that I do to make life a bit easier.  I am looking forward to a trip to the beach soon.  Most of my pain comes from the rectal side, I get inflammation in my Colon, the pain is unreal when it acts up which is everyday.

A new video will be coming soon, it is a new project I am working on continuing it and It’s a lot of fun to do.  If there are any questions, or comments, please ask away.  I will always do my best to either get answers or investigate further.

I will definitely be blogging on Sunday’s and Smalltalk, Manic Mondays and with all the stress that comes with battling this complicated condition, there is room for some happy.  Without happiness, misery will surely take over.  We are here and it’s ok to live our life’s as best as we can.  Good is good enough and forgiveness within my self helps me to walk through this journey with purpose.  Thank you all for reading tonight and I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

Yes it’s time for Meme of the Week.   I did two this week.  I hope you like them.  If you have any suggestions on mesh meme’s please comment with your ideas. 

Ref:  free images, meme creator,

http://www.healthline.com/health/foods-that-cause-gas

 

M. Hedgcoth, co founder of WCMF.  Transvaginal Mesh Warrior and Survivor. God bless you.  Dedicated to John Aguilar, Rest In Peace Cousin, you will be missed everyday.  I love you. 

john john final.John John Aguilar…jjnoahashlee