How living with unique family dynamics & fighting with pain, dealing with let downs, the low feelings are so much harder to deal with living with a Transvaginal Mesh Implant

Hello and Welcome to Afterthoughts for Westcoastmeshfighter, It’s my first blog post for 2018, and there is so much to share, however I wanted to say that my heart and prayers goes out to the victims and families of the school shooting, forgive me if this is wrong, however I think it’s Parkville, elementary out of Florida.  I am a parent and i just cannot imagine the pain, that is being felt, by students, and parents.

Welcome to Afterthoughts, stuck between two worlds living with a Transvaginal Mesh Implant.  A lot of my blog posts come after major things happen in our family, along with my medical condition.  I haven’t been feeling well lately and trying to do (what seems like a million) things to do.  Today I would like to talk about just dealing with feelings.

Growing up, I had a quiet life, almost like a small hometown feeling, growing up.  I can tell you that high school doesn’t even prepare anyone for how to deal with becoming disabled and now having to deal with your even more complicated life,  and how to help family & friends, understand what is going on and also when you are disabled, how to handle things and you find out who really is there and who isn’t.  Life has an interesting way of showing you.. it is sometimes good and sometimes really bad.

Of course all families, depending on your current circumstances, have to go through changes.  It was very dark & low time, and i do still have dark and low days, but it’s the high days that make it some what better.  1st I had to come to terms that a full removal surgery, most likely, won’t happen.  3 Urogynocologists have stated it’s to dangerous to get the rest out.  I have only had an revisional surgery in March of 2012.

What can i do?  Why is this happening to me.  I know this question and it’s the same one i have been asking myself since the mesh erosion and infections started back in 2010.  Emotionally, I am broken, afraid, unsure, etc.  These feelings are very hard to discuss with anyone, having to go through this and having to explain to your spouse, family, friends your disability, this can be even more emotional depending on where it’s located and how much damage the mesh did to the patient.  There are so many things to deal with, address, and execute,  living with a Transvaginal mesh implant.

The One thing I am focused on right now is emotional well being.  Having self goals is extremely important, and also the handling of anything, it has to be honest and understood.  So many times, we see people have their lives thrown into chaos, all because they became disabled.

This really hasn’t been easy on my family, I know that families have broken apart and patients have been left alone to deal with the mesh impacts, it’s heartbreaking.  Some days are easier than others, somehow I have learned how to cope and deal with all of this, while trying to raise teens.

I will be blogging more on these subjects through out my future blog posts.  What I wanted to share with you is how I was able to start pulling myself out of my mental state of mind.  I knew if I didn’t start to make changes, then my results in life would stay the same.  Why does it take so long to fix something that shattered my life in a matter of one day, one afternoon, it was the day of my original surgery.

The reason why I wanted to mention how family is affected because we lived it.  It’s a day to day lifestyle that can make or break the family.  One thing I have learned is forgiving is more important than being right.  Really because of the deep emotional impact this can have on a family, I will be the first to say, it’s not perfect.  Not even close, because we are now dealing with MOM (me), having limits, it can put pressure on your family, marriage, friends, it’s tough.. what can we do??

1st Breathe, it’s ok.  2nd there is no right or wrong, we all deal with a different set of dynamics. 3.  It’s ok to cry it out, sometimes that is what i have to do, i really haven’t been able to cry in recent days, i don’t know if it means that i am getting thicker skin or what but lately i haven’t been able to bring myself to the sensitive place i used to be.

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Life is always going to throw stones, this I have learned.  It’s rising above it all that is tough and through awareness and support is how I get through, my family that has stuck by me, my friends and all of my Mesh Community.  It’s so large now, that we never feel alone, (so grateful).  I know first hand what “alone” feels like.  It’s really hard to understand how we feel everyday, but we didn’t ask for this, we never asked for this kind of pain and neglect.

I know the more we share our stories, and help patients with mesh awareness, the bigger our voices can become to have Mesh Implants, banned worldwide… what a wonderful day this could be.  I am hopeful and will continue to fight everyday I can..

Thank you all for your support, for 2018 can be the beginning for Global Awareness that Mesh Implants are dangerous and should be banned worldwide…. until next time, please always know we are here, when ever someone needs us… M. Hedgcoth, westcoastmeshfighter.


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